42 posts tagged “women”

Ladies, you know I love you.

Yet I gotta be honest here. No offense, but I think that a vast majority of the women in the Pacific Northwest are  crazy. No, not your standard girl crazy either. Im talking straight up retarded crazy. 

The final nail in the coffin was last night. I was chatting up a girl (one that I have known to some degree on and off for about half a year). Im making small talk. We get along well - I think she is attractive, she is kinda flirty with me, and well ... she laughs at almost all of my jokes. She even laughs when I make fun of her, "Oh Cinderella, you got to go home at 10 because your coach is turning back into a pumpkin?"

Out of curiosity, I bridge the conversation ...

Me: "So we havent gotten a chance to chat in a while. Tell me the scoop - got a good man in your life?"

Her: "No. Im just not finding anyone that I can really connect with..."

Me: *gives inquisitive look, detecting there is more to that story*

She goes on to explain about way older guys being into her. How thats getting all awkward. I listen intently and butt in some standard comments here and there. She turns the question back on me. I explained how I dance a lot, and how that makes dating *very* difficult and convoluted.

Her: "I have never dated a guy who likes to dance."

Me: "Hrm. Why not?"

Her: "Well, I guess it never crosses my mind to think of someone in that direction. And besides, its kinda nice to have a situation where I have my thing (dance) and he has his thing (something notdance)."

Hold the phone.

What?!

First of all, girls who dance are silly. They really do not quite grasp the fact that they are surrounded by guys who like to dance - something a helluvalotta girls would die for in a man.

Second of all, I think its really strange that you wouldnt want to share something in common like dance. If you love it, and your romantic interest loves it ... it becomes something you can do together. Thats the stuff that most girls dreams are made of right there.

Unless you are fairly one dimensional, you can still have seperate things to do that are your *own thing*. But dance is a pretty silly one to view this way. I mean, its usually meant to be performed between a guy and a girl. And when you have unabashed feelings for your partner, you open up a whole world of possibilities in dance expression. Finally, you can both work together towards the common goal of getting better (for a dancer, a lifelong pursuit).

I just dont understand the problem at all.

Now, I dont advocate actively looking for someone to date when you are going out dancing. Especially from the male side, that can often lead to mucho creepiness. But I do suggest that you keep your eyes open.

Heck, most relationship experts will tell you that the best way to meet potentially good matches is to ...

Go find an activity that you love to do.

Because it establishes a mutually common ground for conversations and activities. Which is a huge building block for just about any kind of good relationship.

Unless you are crazy. Then those blocks probably wont build anything, except maybe another Winchester House of Mystery. And if thats your thing ...

Maybe you should join the rest out here in the Northwest.

(or not) 

Its quite simple really.

I have been meeting a lot of really Nice Girls in the last few months. Good, Wholesome, Just Plain Nice Girls. The kind you would take home to your Mom. The kind that make you think of times in America, when Romance flitted on the wings of innoncence and purity. When courting was proper. And things seemed right, and unbroken.

The problem is ... 

I honestly dont know what to do with them. Its as if I fail to believe that they would really be interested in me. Cause Im not really a wholesome person. Or very pure. Or super Nice. None of these are things that I bring to the table. (I tend to bring different perspective, acceptance, extreme loyalty, and a genuine desire to try, or care ... among other things).

So whenever I witness something from a Nice Girl, that in "Normal Girl and Boy Speak" I would interpret in a certain way ... I just chalk it up to me interpreting it incorrectly. That they couldnt mean any of that. They are too Nice. Its just an innocent mistake - they arent sending Me a signal.

And its really confusing.

On the other hand ...

The great thing about me interacting with Nice Girls is pretty apparent. I dont know why ... but they really do something to me. They make me a better me, when I am not mired in the feeling of my own blackness in their presence. When I am not paying attention, they inspire me to be Great. Sometimes it almost comes naturally. Like a reflex. And I almost surprise myself after the fact.

I take extra precaution to consider them in the smallest ways. To pay real attention to them. To go the extra mile to make sure they are taken care of. To be even more gentlemanly in many ways. To tone down some of my crassity, out of respect for them.

Why this happens, I dunno. But I am willing to field some ideas.

I was talking with another new friend today.

She promised that when I was ready to date again, she would be the kickassinest wingman ever. Jokingly she said all I would have to do in return, would be to take her record shopping occasionally. (I can respect this, because nothing in life is free, and expectations are clear and in the open. Kudos for that).

So she spent some time trying to get me to list my turnoffs. I answered with a bunch of blahblah, centered around personality. She called me on it, "Quit skirting the physical subject."

And instantly, I was on the spot. I dont really know what my "turn offs" are. Ive never even really considered it, at least not in the sense where I could just whip-bang them out.

After a while of thinking, I finally came to the conclusion:

I just read an article on msn : Body Language: 4 Signs to Decode it. And I have a response.

Mr. Givens. (I refuse to call you doctor because I do not know what that PhD is in). I read your article, and well. You may well be an anthropologist. But honestly ...

Have you even really dated before?

My only other conclusion is that you had to write this article, and didnt want to give some *really* good advice, because it is most likely already out there. In countless places. So you give people - many of whom probably will get confused by your advice because they are dating challenged - some of the strangest signals to look for. And in some cases ... just dead *wrong*. But lets be a touch more specific.

First, it is clear that this article is clearly not meant for women to read. If they were looking for these signs in men, they probably wouldnt find them. And they might infer from this lack that the man was not interested. But if they did find them, it would already be in a situation in which they *should* know that the man is into them. Because this is *well* past the stage of letting his guard down.

As you state in your article, we can liken it to the animal kingdom. Doing so says that a man's primary job in the game is to make himself *attractive* to the other sex. This is rarely done through submission. Instead, it is almost always done through grand gestures of parading. (think peacocks - as a primary example). This parading changes when the deal is already sealed.

However, these signs might be decent to read on women. But their obscurity and potentiality for ambiguity imply that there are much better signals.

With that in mind, I would like to specifically address each of your "signs":

1) Lifted shoulders.

Men almost never do this when it is too early. Its an uncomfortable position. What I think you are getting confused with here is when shoulders are lifted due to *other* reasons. Classic example: Elbows on table, leaning forward, head tilted back. This action shows *interest* as whole. The individual parts are just natural muscle responses to the position itself. (try doing this action with the antithesis of the individual parts - its a lotta freakin work.)

Women will do this occasionally. But its still kinda awkward, although cute. I would read this response motion (cause thats what it is) as a sign that I just fluttered her, and/or she was embarrassed.

2) Pigeon Toes

Not manly. If you are looking for this, you are looking for someone who is demasculating themselves. And probably missing 5000 more obvious clues in the process. Or just getting confused again by position forced due to external objects.

Women - Maybe. Again, more likely a response of fluttering. I suggest if a man is  looking for signs that happen below the waist... do not look for this one. Try looking for how her hands interact with her legs - she is probably drawing your attention there for a reason or two. Pay particular attention to the tempo of her hand movements while there. 

3) The Palm Reveal.

Dont know many Italians, do you Mr Givens?

There are lots of people who talk with their hands. They use them as props to tell a good story. Thus, it is important to consider what the hands are doing in *relation* to what people are saying. If it supports their words - probably not a cue. If it is saying something else - maybe it is.

And who naturally rests their hands upward on the table? It makes you look like you are praying, or saying grace. The only other thing is an obvious - HOLD MY HAND PLEASE. But this usually doesnt happen until after you no longer need to look for signs of attraction.

4) The Forehead Bow. 

By far, the best you have on the list.

Men tend to do this more subtly.(I tend to do this with a tilted/turned head, actually). But I also do this to people who I am not sexually attracted to. Its my way of saying - I am interested in what you have to say - in these cases.

Women, well. A good sign, but again ... not so unambiguous. As a contextual response to a man being a bit forward ... this is definitely a Green Light sign though.

Which really brings me to a big point. This list isnt meant for men. Men should be asking the questions with their body language, and interpreting things like these as responses. This is basically the natural order of things, even in today's feminized world.

However .. I still maintain that there are better things to look for.

First, I suggest men just go out and ask a question with touch. A simple arm touch works for a quick survey. But if you want to up the ante quite a bit, work in a touch towards their hair or neck. She allows this, and you basically have everything you need to know.

If you dont want to be super gutsy, want all the information you need, and to build attraction along the way - I suggest making a point to naturally work touch into your conversation. Such as a simple game. An elaboration of a point. A demonstration where you show her something through moving her. These ... all work well.

But the hands down biggest cues come in the eyes.

Look someone right in the eyes. If you do this regularly, you will establish a baseline to know what is different behavior. And you will also build connection because you are looking *right* at them. There are lots of subtleties to the eye  conversation, that I could make a whole post about. But lets just leave it at the fact that this is a no-brainer, so just do it. 

Yes thats right - HAVE A CONVERSATION with YOUR EYES. Sometimes you dont even need to say a word.

When it comes right down to it, I know I am not an accredited anthropologist. However, I do believe I know something about posture and motion, having deeply studied them for quite some time. And I will tell you honestly, as you probably already know from looking at Mr. Givens list ... it reads cold. And sciency.

Which is *NOT* the language of attraction. At all.

In the last hour I have just acquired a musical crush on Rachael Yamagata.

Happenstance

Rachael Yamagata

And even better, she is from my hometown! Always gotta support my roots.

Move over Sia, Lauryn, and Beth... there is a new woman in the Exclusive Club.

<3

That is all.

Since I dutifully forgot to give props a while back when I found him ...

This piece by Mako Katsuta has been my desktop background for about a year now:

Bind Me

1 comment

I have always had a fascination with what artists can do with black and white. And women - always women. My favorite subject matter :)

I was standing in line at the local Safeway. Tall woman cashier. Taller dude in front of me.

Dude starts trying to make conversation. He does the whole "How are you doing?" thing. Simple, non-committal. But you could tell by his stance and his voice that it wasnt with simple intent.

Cashier is not looking at him, she is looking down. Gives him the canned reply. He doesnt say anything to grab her attention. And a moment of silence passes. He looks down.

You can feel the awkward level creep up a notch as he says, "So how is your night tonight?" I mentall shake my head, because well .. Thats the same damn question you *just* asked her. I have never seen that tactic work.

She gives him a brief glance. I got to admit, she had a cold air about her. I was thinking about trying to get her to smile when I got to the front, but I wanted to see how this interaction was going to unfold.

Then she says. "Pretty good, how about yours?" It was like hearing a novice read from a script. It had that kind of feeling in her voice. Really big no-go sign, in my opinion.

Guy does not hear the sign. Instead, in a more loose tone he says, "Great, now that I am off of work!"

At this point I mentally facepalmed. Oh man, I felt for this guy. It just kept getting worse and worse. And the awkwardness of the whole situation was thick like London Fog in a horror movie. I could swear that my shoulders were cringing waiting for the murderous blow.

He quickly replies with, "Oh. Ooops." At least he caught how dumb he just sounded. (you could tell that it wasnt a coy play into the next quip to make her giggle. It really was a DOH moment). A pregnant pause.

"Well, maybe later y-..." He says.

And Just STOPS.

I cant imagine a more awkward moment than this. It was Movie-style awkward.  I was watching this guy murder himself, and I felt soooooooo bad for him. it really was that painful. I do have to admit though - it does take a bit of testicular fortitude to carry on with asking someone out, in front of other people, despite how badly a conversation is going. Kudos for TF buddy.

The cashier replies something mostly to herself and the keys she was looking at. She wrings out a chuckle to herself. Then she hands him his receipt, and bids him good night.

And here I am thinking ... Oi.That was painful ...

Didnt you notice the Wedding Ring? Hey man: Pay Attention!

An interesting thing happens when I am single. Especially when I am single, and not dating *that* kind of girl. I probably learned this thing a long time ago, but forgot in some cloud of caught-inna-moment of not caring.

And that thing is simply:

Man, when Im single ... I have a lot of money.

I was checking on my bank statement. And I couldnt believe what I was seeing. Its not the most I have ever had in the bank, but ... it was the greatest transition from not so much, to quite a bit.

The only real change in between was me becoming single.

So its pretty easy to surmise that dating women is expensive. Not because I am paying all the time (cause I have met more and more women that like to pay occasionally). But mostly because the women I meet tend to like to go out to eat a lot.

Ive never quite understood this. I mean, I *can* understand that going out to eat is fun - fancier restaurants with delicious food, good service and great ambience are fantastic for setting the mood for stimulating conversation and more. But I always look at it as something to do in moderation. Cause, eating at nicer places isn't *inherently* something that is super "fun" for me.

Things that are fun for me tend to be quite a bit less expensive. It really is about the people with me, not the place I am at or what I am doing. They tend to be simple moments - reading a book together, going on a picnic, cooking a meal together, coloring, dancing, making up a special game. These are more like my staples.

I could go on about this ... but anyway.

In celebration of my newfound moneys, I decided to treat myself to something I have been drooling over for a while

An easel. But not just any easel ... the Deluxe Lobo!

Deluxe Lobo

It wasnt super expensive (less than the amount I have spent on meal for a date ;)). But it wasnt super cheap either. However, it is a beautiful piece of craftmanship (made out of oak). And I have wanted a real easel for a while now so I could try and get back to painting.

The most killer part about the Deluxe Lobo is that it *also* folds into a table:

Lobo Table

 Which means you can draw horizontally if you want too. I am a big fan of quality craftmanship that also considers space utilization, so this is right up my alley.

However, now I just need to figure out where to put this bad boy. Perhaps I will need to do some rearranging this weekend.

:)

Minding my own business, having some grub with a coworker. I get up to go throw something away really quick. And ... BOOM. Its on.

"What is this?" I think to myself as I spot something out of the corner of my eye.

Nice jeans. Art on the back pocket. The fit is snug enough to say that she cares about her body. Fashionable heels, color appropriately matching one of the accent colors on her back pocket. Posture is not too stiff, not to relaxed. Her hair is a teasey brown, put up, and large strands dangle at odd intervals.

Yes, I got this and more, all in three steps. Ive spent enough time watching people to get a lot of details quickly. Plus, you never do well staring - it comes off as creepy. Negative reinforcement teaches guys well. 

My mind was wandering a bit as I made way for the garbage. So I missed the bin for trash by about 4 spots. I had to backtrack. "Awesome, I can steal a glance and get more info", I said to myself, trying to make the best of my mistake.

Oddly enough, she had already turned. So again, I got the back view.

A few short steps, another quick glance. I habitually survey the room around me anyways - it comes natural I guess. And again, a back view. At this point, I am starting to joke to myself that the universe is playing a game with me (for the geeks out there, I actually theorized that the universe was illustrating the Billboarding technique - me camera, her butt the texture to billboard)

So I walk back to my seat and resume lunch. And a few short minutes later, she passes. I catch her face this time. And she was attractive. She aged well, and I appreciate that (another topic altogether).

Satisfaction.

Im fairly pleased with my lunch thus far. The food isnt that good, but the compnay is. And eye-candy always makes up for lackluster food. Its tasty. (Ya, Im still a guy, shoot me).

I start asking my coworker about his weekend. He had shown me his ginormous bugbite earlier, so I followed up with some general questions about his tastes for the outdoors.

And then - KABLAMO!

I see the Girl from Legal.

I can always tell when the Girl from Legal is in my general vicinity. Its odd really. Something just feels different about the room, and I look around for the disturbance. Sure enough its *her*.

Most of the time, I know it is her before seing her face. How her wavy dishwater hair skips across her back, in time to her sultry rhythm. How the air around her seems to glow, enlivened by her radiance. There is just *something* about her that makes her stand out to me, every time.

I guess that is why she is one of only two Office Crushes in the history of my Officedom.

Our flitting moments of passing actually go way back.

I first ran into the Girl from Legal during a fire drill almost 2 years ago. I think her building is right next to mine, so we all empty out into the same courtyard. I was having a conversation with Deaf Guy Nick. I was making a joke about the loudness of the alarm. The Girl from Legal must have somehow overheard, and decided to briefly partake in the quip and chuckle.

The next time I saw her at a training session I went to. Like any good man, I secretly prayed to the Divine Wow that she would be at my table. And my prayer was answered! She actually sat right next to me. We had some conversation, and I was really intrigued by her personal vibe. However, 5 minutes later some jerkface came in, wrangled the conversation, and ended up revealing that she was taking his spot. (Like any good man, here is where I asked the Divine Wow to slap the shit out of the Divine Trickster, and then punch Jerkface right in the mouth).

A few months passed, and she just started popping up all over the place. Apparently, she doesnt live too far from me (Im guessing maybe 6-8 blocks) because I kept seeing her on my morning commute. I have seen her a couple of times at my local Corner Store. I occasionally would see her in the halls of my building. Probably doing her legalese magick all over us hapless heathens.

These brief moments are always a daydreamy pleasure of mine.

Which brings to today.

The Girl from Legal is standing off to the side of the room. I surmised that she was waiting for a friend. Quickly, I surveyed more about her, while trying to listen to my coworker.

Dark blue jeans. Snug. She tops it with a brown sweater. And Im not usually a sweater guy, but this one is tailored just right. Her boots match it, and I secretly think that her belt must also (because of course, she is The Girl from Legal - equisitely fashioned - and would never make a faux pas that wasnt a statement). She starts turning around as I glance back at coworker.

Having paid my dues to the coversation, I take another peek at TGFL. I think to myself, "Yep, never fails. You were right again. It is her." and then a pause, "But something is different!"

Apparently, since the last time I saw the Girl from Legal ... she decided to lose the *perfect* amount of weight. Not too much to make her skinny. Just enough to make her appear a hint more physically fit. (sigh).

I think I smiled. There is just something about her that makes me do that. I took her uniqueness in further with a lingering glance. Her pronounced nose - which is larger than I normally like, but somehow works on her. The slight ageing in her face - the crinkles by the corner of her mouth. The way she flits her hair up, and it bounces in response. Her full lips cracking out a delicious smile.

She is visual and spiritual elegance.

A perfect example of attractive, while not adhering to standard definitions of beauty. Quite possibly, the best example I have come across in many years.

So clearly there is only one response to be said here.

Ladies. You have moved from being playful to being a touch evil, by bringing out the big guns during my time of duress. One or two more steps forward, and you will have crossed the line to Just Plain Mean.

And when you get mean, watch out. I will fight back. And I dont play fair :)

Or, as my good friend LumLum might say,

"Oh boy. Ladies, you're in trouble now. Jay's got that look."

I was reading Hip Hop Soul a week or so ago. In it was the following picture (in its unedited form):

Introducing Joss Stone

Joss Stone

My first thought after reading the article?

Joss and I should hook up. I bet she'd like me.

My second thought?

That is hot.

I got reminded of this today, when I was browsing some online music released in 07. I didnt realize until now that the picture from Hip Hop Soul was the cover of Joss's new album.

Of course, this all started my brain wandering. And you know what I really liked about this picture? What it really made me think of?

Man, I want to paint a woman.

And by this, I dont mean paint a picture of a woman. I mean, paint on a woman. With brushes. With my hands. Exploring her. Describing her. Creating something on her. About her. Especially if she would let me photograph her afterwards.

I think this would be one part of a phenomenal date for me. As in:

1. Sit down at home for a nice candelit dinner. (I could cook it)
2. Afterwards, go back to my bedroom, already prepped
3. Break out the paints, and spend a tantalizing hour or two just being creative
4. Spend another hour photographing the results.

And of course, there is only one direction for this to go from here.

I remember dating a woman who let me draw on her once. Actually, I snuck up on her while she was messing around on the computer. I had a blue sharpie in hand and an evil grin on my face. I started drawing on her shoulder. It started as a simple doodle. But in a little bit, I turned it into a dragon's eye. Then I broke out the nice silver sparkly pen and added some accents.

So Fun!

I need to do something like that again...

Side note, one of my other favorite pics of Joss:

Joss-Stone

Love her hair. But I have always had a special place for more alternativey looks and styles (like women with tatoos - total turn on). Also dig her expression 

Not to mention, the composition of this piece is fantabulous!