3 posts tagged “msn”

I stumbled upon 2 articles today that I think are must reads.

Furthermore, I think that if you read them, you will have a better foundation to begin understanding me. Maybe even yourself too, at some point.

Anyway...

How to think: Habits of Happy People

I dont really think about this on a conscious basis. But reading this article made me realize - I do all of that stuff. Daily, as part of being me.

Maybe I dont actively call people with my phone - but I usually spend at least a few hours out of the day just shooting the bull with people. And for sure, I will chit chat with about anyone. About anything.

Expressing gratitude is very important to me. Some people might not always realize it, because a fair portion of what I do is silent gratitude. Im not afraid to say Thank You. Not even 3 times in 5 minutes. Im not afraid to take some extra time to show someone I care. Or that they did something to me I appreciate. I know I would feel warm and fuzzy if someone did the same for me - especially with more than just words.

Random kindness is the best. Im always looking for ways to just inject some kindness into people's day. Whether it be making them laugh or smile. Or maybe telling them how great they are. Or that they just said something phenomenal. Or other things - like talking to the homeless guy, or giving away extra food. Or holding the door for someone. I dunno - its so easy to be kind, if you are not caught up in yourself.

Obviously, this blog is testament to the sheer volume of stuff I write down about my life. Good bad and fluxxing. Yes, I reappraise my life all the time. Its a very important thing to do, in my opinion. I think this prevents stagnation. And dulling that comes with age. Fresh and new and constantly reinventing parts of my life. Yup - its good.

And yes, whenever I must be a pessimist - I am proactive about it. Im fiesty and looking for change in the things that I am not happy with. And Im probably challenging you to change the things you are not happy with too. Sometimes it comes across as combative, but so what.

I look at it mostly like this - Do your best to either accept it, or change it.

Also, The Power of Gratitude.

Oddly enough, I believe I also subscribe to a lot of what is being said in this article. Naturally.

In general, I think a lot of people stop at a simple Thank You. While sometimes, this is sufficient ... I do not think it completely conveys the message. Nor does it consistently tap into the power of gratitude.

This is probably one of the underlying factors as to how a good relationship to me, feels like a competition. To show how much you care for the other person. To make them feel loved, completely.

Its gratitude. Its thinking, planning, saying, doing all the things that show just how thankful you are towards this person. For them being in your life. For them doing whatever it is that they do. For them being them.

And I think its a tragedy that this often happens way too late.

Funny thing is this.

Most of this stuff is trivial to incorporate into your life. TRIVIAL. At first it takes some conscious effort (as does any kind of change), but after a while, its just habit. Think about anything you have changed in your life, and you will see this as a commonality.

Its amazing to me, how far civilization has progressed in terms of technology and things to make our lives better. Yet somehow ... everyone seems to feel like they have no time. Why is that?

Probably because we are spending our time inefficiently. Because everything is easier to do, more accessible, we want to do more. But what we should want to do ...

Is more of the things that truly matter. 

And be Happy :)

I guess today is Me vs. MSN day.

In response to the article Men: How to dress for a first date.

Basically, my overall impression is that Matt Schneiderman is almost completely without a sense of *style*. To be more specific, a personal sense of style. And he is not encouraging much in his readers either.

Im really against most of what he is saying in the article. Point by point:

1) Whatever you do, dont wear khakis

Done and Done. The only thing Matty nailed right on the head in the whole article. Khakis are for yachting people. Prissy people. Boring people. Unless they are a totally rocking pair of khaki-colored pants, they say, "Look at me, my debutante mom taught me how to dress." Trust me, you rarely (if ever) want to say this with your style.

Yes. They are that bad.

A nice pair of jeans, fit well for your body type ... will kill khakis any day of the week. Especially when you coordinate them with your overall look.

2) Give the striped dress shirt a rest.

Standard stripes yes. Stripes with a bit of a pattern to them, where they are irregular in their width and color - usually good.

In case you didnt really look at fashion lately, one thing that has been a recent-ish trend is to wear stripes on stripes. Or patterns on patterns. So if you *must* go with a tie, clash the pattern a bit with your shirt.

If you are totally against stripes (or just cannot pick out a cool striped shirt), then stay with good solids. Pay particular attention to color quality of the shirt. Pay attention to the quality of the fabric. Consider shirts with interesting, but not overdone, texture. And as always - check the fit for what you are trying to say with your appearance.

Finally, in this point he use Kelly Rae to recommend tucking in the dress shirt.

Any man worth his salt knows that there are times to tuck and times to let loose. If its your pet peeve that a man knows this - you have issues, not him. Tucking it in can often show a sign of stuffiness. Or "I just got off of work and put absolutely no consideration into this outfit at all!" (especially if you are doing the unbuttoned collar look.

This is a first date, you want to appear relaxed. You want your date to be relaxed too. You probably wont be going anywhere super nice (cause you are more creative than that, no?). So coming across as stuffy is *very* risky.

3) A little color goes a long way.

Yes. Yes it does.

A good point as to why the striped shirt, done right ... goes a long way. Alternatively, a fairly neutral toned dark shirt with just a slight bit of color really pops out that color.

But ... for the rest of this point?

Color recommendation without knowledge of a person's skin tone is just *DOOMED* to fail. Duh. Anyone who truly wants someone to look good knows this. You can give color ranges to try, but if you are giving fashion advice that contains color advice, add the following recommendation:

"If you are not good with color, your best bet is to grab a woman in the store and have her help you with a certain range of color options you have already selected"

(Bonus: pick the right girl, converse with her correctly, and you might have just bagged another first date. ;) )

And finally ...

A sweater over a dress shirt? That is the fashion equivalent to telling a one legged man to hop through a minefield. Chances are, if he has to read this article, he AINT gonna pull that off correctly.

KABOOM. Dead.

4) Pay attention to your footwear.

Oh yes. Yes yes yes.

This is one aspect of the larger concept of "Pay attention to the subtleties!" If you can pull this off comprehensively, you are saying to her "Ya, I get it."

Basically you dont want a good looking outfit. You want an outfit that makes you look good. And all the small things, thats probably what she is going to remember most about your style anyway. Shoes go a long way for this.

Not to mention, the probability of the woman also liking shoes, and appreciating your attention to your own ... high. Bonus points right there dude.

5) Dont forget the details.

Ya. Its all about these.

Detail style can go a long way to turn an otherwise okay outfit into something remarkable, and memorable. Wear things that show a bit of you. Wear things that attract attention, but arent gaudy.

Another thing you can do is stylize your outfit with subtleties. One quick and easy way is simply in how you do your shirt sleeves (for a dress shirt). This can say a lot about your overall vibe for the night.

Im guessing that any guy who knows what a french cuff shirt is ... probably also knows to wear interesting cufflinks with it. High probability on that one.

Anyway. If I could add one major point to this ... I would say simply:

Be comfortable in what you are wearing. That is ... OWN IT.

This is a vibe thing that will totally skew a lot about the feel of your date. If you are not comfortable in the clothes you are wearing, you have a lot of work to do to ensure that doesnt get conveyed to your date.

Also, one great reason to occasionally buy more expensive stuff that makes you feel good. Because again, that will translate to those around you.

Ya, thats style basics by moi.

In response to the article, Earn more than your man? I say something basically like...

Duh.

Just about every tip on there is completely independent of who is the breadwinner in the relationship. Its almost as if the writer decided to slap a topic on a piece after it was written, to fit it into what her editor wanted.

I actually have a couple of experiences dating women who make more than me. It really wasnt too much of a problem. Except when you combine that with women who are also Materialistically High-Maintenance. Then you just go broke trying to keep up.

Anyway ... to the original points of the article.

1) Talk and listen to each other.

Um. This is ubiquitous for a relationship. I cant even believe there is a "study" on this. They will dish out grant money for just about anything now, wont they?

In fact, if I am in a relationship ... I *require* this. If we cannot communicate, and *understand* what is being communicated, the relationship goes downhill fast. Real fast. Real hard. BOOM!

2) Be his biggest cheerleader.

Again. Always.

A woman should be her man's biggest cheerleader. And a man should be his woman's biggest cheerleader. Always. That should go without saying, as part of the act of *caring*. 

And more generally, when I care about someone ... I want to *inspire* them. Both through my cheerleading and my general actions. Encourage and inspire them to be the best them they can be.

3) Open yours, mine, ours accounts.

Yup, you guessed it. Great idea no matter what the financial power teeter-totter looks like.

A lot of people overlook this. And I think it contributes to a lot of little stresses that could be avoidable. Unfortunately, money is quite often a major stressor in relationships. You would be advised to minimize that.

So the real problems arent clouded by other emotions.

4) Focus on the engame.

Um, was this article written for the relationally stunted?

If you arent dreaming together, what are you doing? If you do not have short, medium, and longterm goals/ideas/dreams ... I would venture to say that you dont really have a *relationship*. Or at least, not a really solid or healthy one.

I would say, you are dating. Maybe transitioning towards relationship status.

Cause in my mind, a primary indicator of no future dreams ... is that you really havent considered being with the person past the immediately foreseeable future. Which should make you question your feelings, if this has been going on for a long time.

Basically, you are still in Me Mode. Which doesnt really work well in relationships. Or at least, not for extended periods of time. You can move to Us Mode, without losing yourself. But ... that takes a couple of things - dedication and communication.

5) Recognize that marriage changes things.

Ouch. Did you just slap me in the face with a ginormous log of No Shit, Sherlock?

I have no clue why people would think differently. Unless maybe both of them had been living in a hole for the entirety of their lives, under a rock ... in Greenland. Then it would make sense.

And here I thought I might actually get some insightful information from the article. Ooops.