36 posts tagged “me”

(or ... Necio de Los Necios!)

 

Im sure that if you have lived long enough, you have experienced exactly what happens when this song from REM comes on at a social gathering...

75 percent of the people start singing along perfectly, "That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane - Lenny Bruce is not afraid."

And then complete aural chaos happens as everybody starts Mahnahmanahming the rest of the way through the intro. This keeps going for about a minute, as slowly but surely the mumbling gets quiter. People start looking around bashfully at other people and trying to avoid eye contact during these awkward moments.

And then everyone belts out in unison, at the top of their voices:

"Its the End of the World as We Know It! ..."

And after the chorus, the mumbling happens again. Risnse and Repeat.

 

 

Well. I have recently discovered that I personally do something similar with any Salsa song that I really like. Hell, I dont know half of the words (because I dont speak Spanish at all!). But I caught myself trying to sing it anyway, and mahnahming through the lyrics I didnt know. Total REM style. And then belting out the words I did know.

So it kinda goes like...

"Mahnah mah mahnahmah mah nah.... Cantante de Los Cantantes. Hector Lavoe!"

And then I usually get frustrated at my bilingually crippled self and just start trying to mimick the music. Yes. I sing the trumpet section. Yes I sing the piano. Or the mandolin (or whatever it is). 

And yes ... I sing each instrument in different "voices" trying to match their timbre.

 

So yes ... I am a Dork of All Dorks. 

 

A while back, I composed a post about the following book:

 

The post was entitled : My FIve Love Languages : Expression. It dealt with my love languages, as far as how I tend to express love for someone ... until I get necessary feedback to change based upon their needs.

It has been a while. But I think now is as good a time as any to tackle the other side of the equation: Interpretation. That is, my natural love languages for how I interpret actions as love. More specifically, what makes me *feel* loved.

(Again, I believe it is important to consider natural Expression and Interpretation for both parties involved.)  

 

These will be ordered from most to least, for the languages that make me *feel* loved.

 

1) Quality Time

 I cannot reiterate this enough. Time is priceless to me. Because it is finite, and an unknown quanitity. Any one of us could be dead tomorrow - you just never know.

So spending time with me makes me feel really good. This act is saying to me - you are important enough for me to spend something priceless on. The more time you spend with me, the stronger you are saying this to me.

However, spending *Quality* time with me is important to tell me you love me.

Quality Time to me, is defined as two different things. First, and more concrete - is giving me your full attention. Being in the moment with me. Things that help this are looking me in the eye when you are talking to me. Actively listening to things I say (especially if I am telling you feelings). Responding so that I know I am heard. And hopefully, understood. (or you are trying to at least).

Second, and less concrete - is making me feel like we are in this time together. Its a team thing. An us thing. Us versus them, or Us versus the situation.

I understand that there will be times when people cannot spend as much time together as they would like. And honestly, this is when it is best to up the percentage of Quality Time / Total Time. It mitigates me feeling less important to you, or in your life. Cause I might not be getting much time, but what I do is Quality.

 

And if, for whatever reason (cause we all know how life is), someone cannot give me much time or quality time ... the other love languages should be upped quite a bit to compensate. Otherwise, Im sliding into Empty Love Tank Mode. Quickly.

 

2) Words of Affirmation.

There are probably numerous references to this notion on my blog - Flattery will get you *everywhere* with me.

I try really hard when I love someone. I like this to be acknowledged. Consistently. It inspires me to keep on doing the things I am already doing. To do more and better things for them. It helps me know that I am not just wasting my time on something that is not appreciated. (again, notice the time reference).

And in general, I really like getting compliments from someone I care about. I might not always know what to do with them. And kinda brush them off with an "I guess/suppose" or a wisecrack. But thats just because I dont want to be a pompous ass about it. Honestly, Im not sure what to do with compliments a lot. (I know this is an area I need to work on). But this does not mean I am not just *beaming* inside when I get them.

Put both together, and you are fueling my inspiration. And filling my tank with some love.

 

3) Physical Touch

This is actually a tricky one to place.

When I love someone, their physical touch means a lot to me. It makes me feel good to be touched, even in purely non-sexual ways. It breaks the non-connectedness of any situation and puts you in my sphere of influence, physically. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

But I dont *need* it all the time. I will take it all the time, but it is not necessary to make me feel loved.

However! A well timed touch is the perfect solution to make me well up with love. If you time it right with your words or actions, this is a *very* powerful way to reinforce everything else you are telling me. Consider it an amplifier for love. Perfect examples of when you should absolutely touch me:

1) I just shared some feelings with you

2) I just shared something with you that I was nervous/afraid of sharing with you.

3) We just had a fight

4) I am having a really rough day.

5) I just told you I felt like I did something bad/wrong/assy (aka, regret or guilt in my own actions)

Super duper combo points if you touch me while verbally affirming me, after one example above ... then keep doing it for a while of Quality Time. Whammo - Loved.

 

4) Acts of Service

This one only ranks as high as #4 because I intrepret it a bit differently than the book does.

The book has it as doing mundane tasks - laundry, cleaning, cooking. Doing these types of things for me doesnt really make me feel loved. It will make me think that you are nice and considerate, and that you "dont have to do" that kind of thing. Which is a good feeling.

The only time this is not true is if I feel like I am constantly doing most of the mundane tasks. If you notice this and start pulling your weight, I will feel the love there.

But for me, there are times when an Act of Service is not needed, but makes me feel really loved. It is usually a response to a request or a need of mine. These are very tough to descibe categorically, without giving concrete examples.

I once dated a woman. We were having a rough fight, because she was a spitfire. She had plans to go out that night, and was about to leave. Then she looked at me - noticed how shitty I still felt about the fight. And she called up her friends and cancelled ... to stay with me. We talked for hours. I felt *really* loved right then, due to the act of service (and the quality time).

 

5) Receiving Gifts

In general, this does not make me feel loved. If your goal is to buy me something to make me feel loved, you dont know me very well. I will think it is very nice. And probably be happy.

But honestly? Most gifts are not that helpful for my Love Tank.

However. If you really want to get me a gift to show you love me? Dont spend money. Give me a card. Write in it some feelings. Make it special some way. Write me an email. Give me something small that made you think of me. (a rock, a branch, a warning label).

Point is, give me a gift that says it is about *me*, for *me*. And you put thought into what that means. Chances are if I love you, and if you do this correctly, I will keep it forever. (You can look through my storage for proof of this). And I will love it and feel happy and loved.

 

...

 

Whew. Now I bet that sounds quite complicated right? Well, that is just because most people arent used to having it all laid on a platter in one big chunk. If it is confusing, there is a really simple solution:

Take a deep breath. Put on your empathetic, and calm face. Look me right in the eye. Touch me in some small way. And ask.

Ask me directly what I need to feel loved. At first, I will probably be a bit hesitant, because of a couple of reasons (including sometimes trying to man up for you). But if you can get past that, and then follow through on my needs ... this will eventually go away.

And you will get my trust. And you will make me feel loved. Because even though I told you, you still made the active choice to do it anyway. And that means just as much.

 

Now.

You might be asking yourself ... what is the purpose of this post? Isnt that very secret sensitive information to be splaying out there? Yes and no.

Purpose:

1) For me. To respond and process my thoughts on the book. Posting is sometimes a way for me to collect my thoughts. (and if I present it to people, I am sometimes forced to be a bit less whimsical or procrastinatory about it).

2) For others. To know that not everyone has the same ways to interpret love. To hopefully take this post and consider that message when you look at the person *you* love.

3) For women. To know that not all men need the same thing.

4) For me. To remember later, in case I ever experience a shift in my natural tendencies. (aka I forget a lot)

5) For others. Anyone else who read the book and was wondering about more concrete examples than it provided. Or a larger scope view.

 

Use it for good. Use it for evil. Dont use it at all. This is a choice I cannot make for anyone.

 

Cheers!

Someone once told me something... it went like this:

"Thats part of being an adult. You make rational judgements. You consider the impacts of what you are doing. You analyze the outcomes. You resist instantaneous gratification, for the long term good."

 

To which I internalize something like this:

Screw that.

Seems to me that your definition of being an adult means you must be a pompous bastard. Someone so full of their own knowledge and experience, that they believe they know enough to rightfully predict the future. Someone who is over-confident in their worldview. Someone who has lost the ability to *challenge* their own notions of the way the world works.

Someone who is scared.

Scared of going out there and "failing" because they either have a notion of failure, or arent confident enough in themselves to adapt and overcome. Scared of going with their feelings instead of their thoughts.

Someone who does not believe that perception and internalization can be changed. Who does not realize that there is nearly scientific proof of this. And hasnt taken the time to reason it out, through a modicum of knowledge on neuroscience and basic brain functioning.

Someone who takes what society spoonfeeds them, and assimilates. Who doesnt challenge the notions of normalcy. Someone who doesnt want to *be* their own person. Whatever that means.

I could say so much in response to that. But I will just sum it up with ...

Someone who I dont really want to be.

So good luck with you on that one. I refuse to be an adult in your eyes.

 

And it drives me crazy every time I feel like I flitter towards that person's defintion. It makes me hate that me.

Cause its just not right.

Today is my One Year Voxiversary!

Yes, that means you have had to deal with yours truly for a whole year. Postin and ramblin away at this and that. Big things. Small things. Personal things. Open things. Just whatever comes to my mind.

I have defintely enjoyed the switch over to Vox. One of the best things about it is definitely the people. From the very start, Vox has felt like more of an open minded community, where people genuinely want to get to know new people. I definitely appreciate that. And its probably why I stay.

A lot has gone on in the last year. Lets look at some highlights and little known facts to celebrate:

 

First, the connectedness ...

Total number of posts in last year: 435

Average number of hits per month: 3000

Average number of unique visitors per month: 1800

Most number of hits in one day: 198

Approximate states that have viewed my blog: 30

Approximate countries that have viewed my blog: 50

Yes, I find stat tracking to be utterly fascinating. I do nothing more than just glimpse at some numbers and such. Its fun. I have always been into odd statistics (but not the actual science of Statistics. icko!)

 

Second, the neighbors...

The first person I did not know who became my mutual neighbor: Jen

The first person I did not know, who became my mutual neighbor, and still comments a lot: Narami 

The first person I did not know, who meant a lot to me (and I miss dearly): Kiss Me Cate (my e-sis)

The first person I did not know, and developed an e-crush on: (pfft! ya right)

I could talk about my neighbors all night. All of you should know why I like you. And if not, well jeez ... just ask. Im not afraid to celebrate you! You make it all worth it.

 

Third, the favorites ...

My favorite post of the last year: Paint It Jossy

My most popular post of the last year: Ladies Pro Tip: Celebrate Your Youness (even made a [TIG]!)

My favorite Audio Post of the last year: Dream Date: The Playlist

My favorite Art Post of the last year: Juxtapose, I <3 U

My favorite The Weird Post of last year: Good Karma Gives Good Timing

 

My favorite Audio Track I have posted in the last year:

 

My favorite video I have posted in the last year:

 

 

My favorite Art I have posted in the last year:

 

 

My favorite Art I have made and posted in the last year:

 

 

My favorite book I have read and posted in the last year:

 

My favorite pic of me taken in the last year:

 

 

And there are countless more favorites. I just cant think of enough categories. And cause ... well Im really bad doing the whole favorite thing. Not my schtick.

Although ... there is a whole section of favorites that I am leaving off completely. Mostly because I post about that all the time. You know *exactly* what I am talking about.

 

I could go on to cover some other stuff. Like bad stuff. Sad stuff. Effed up stuff. Tiring stuff. But lets not, okay? There is more than enough happy to go around right now, this past year. Lets keep it positive.

 

And on that I bid you a huge

Thanks!

 

To Vox. To Neighbors. To Silent Readers. To Everyone!

May the next 365 bring more living and sharing. And goodness. And silliness. And just plain fun.  

People either love me or hate me for beta participation. I dont pull punches when I feel strongly. Sorry.

If you put me in your beta, and I really dont like what I see, you *will* get emails such as:

• "Your use of screen real estate is abyssmal"
• "Can we select better, and darker color schemas? The current choices are burning out my retinas."
• "Come on guys, can we step into the new millenium and get X feature?"
• "We got a great armature here. We just arent hanging enough good features off of it."
• "Your documentation is confusing to the general user. They shouldnt have to infer anything, or look in 3 different places to get at the information. Consolidate and clarify please."

 

However! I will supply solution ideas to every biting criticism I provide. Sometimes spending an hour or more on said solutions. Depends on how vehemently I want something changed.

 

Most people want to buy a house for a couple of reasons:

1) Tax breaks

2) To own property

3) To have something that appreciates.

 

But me. I dont really care so much about those things. In fact, I would be happy to have a house that just stays at its current value. Why? Because most of the things that other people find important ... dont mean that much to me. Here is basically why I want a house:

1) To buy a kickin amp system and play bass til my windows rattle.

2) To buy a drum set and bang on it all day

3) To listen to my music at loud volumes

4) To accidentally sling around paint and have no one to answer to but me.

5) To make things better that dont really matter to most people (like off-white switch covers on white walls. Gross!!!)

6) So that if I make some odd noise at 3 am (such as I dunno, accidentally knocking over a chair) ... I dont have an eviction threat notice on my door ... when no one had the testicular fortitude or common decency to come talk to me first.

 

Numbers 1-3 are really important to me. Always have been. There is a certain connection with music that just cannot happen at "Apartment Levels" of volume. I have said this forever.

 

I recently finished this book:

 

 

It was insightful. But honestly, what intrigued me about it, is that I have long held the belief that true communication of love is a multi-process endeavor. Before reading this book, I interpreted it as something like:

To truly communicate love, you must consider how you express and interpret the idea of love. Equally important in a relationship, is to understand how your partner expresses and interprets love. With all four pieces of knowledge, you can get extra information about your relational dynamic, that would not be there with the usual "Love is Universal" viewpoint.

And only at this level of understanding, can you begin to effectively work towards the best way to *communicate* the fuzzy idea of Love. And feel it every moment. And make your partner feel it every moment.

Its a process. A grand process of understanding. Knowing. Bonding.

So with that mindset, a lot of what is in this book resonated. It helped me expand upon my ideas with a more specific breakdown of *types* of communication. Previously, I had not delved this far. But I will attempt to do so now.

 

First.... My Five Love Languages. Via Expression. (or how I naturally express love to someone). Covered in order from most to least.

 

1) Quality Time.

This is the centerpoint of how I express love.

I think it partially stems from my viewpoint on time -  that it is a commodity that we all have unknown finite quantity of. Therefore, it is important to spend our time wisely. It can *never* be replenished. (and is thus, invaluable).

If I have feelings for someone, I want to spend more time with them. If I love someone, I want to spend a lot of time with them. And if I want to express love to someone, I spend a lot of quality time with them.

Time is easy to understand. I like to be around the person I am in love with *a lot*. This means having them as a central factor in my life. Having them around for the big things, as well as the small things. Being able to experience all aspects of life with them. To me, this is *healthy* and *natural*. (and to me, what isnt healthy is having it be excessively required)

Quality time is a bit more difficult to grasp. Its mostly about giving someone your undivided attention. Or as much of it as possible. Being attentively there for someone. Its an act of saying "You are the most important thing in the world to me right now". Its a very powerful statement to make.

What a lot of people do not seem to understand here, is that time is a silent, implied expression of love. I will spend a little bit of time with *anyone* (cause I do have some level of love for all people). But when I start spending a fair bit of time with someone, its because I care. It is never because I am bored and have nothing better to do - quite the contrary ... I always have a bajillion things I could be doing. So spending time with someone is clearly me saying, "I am doing whatever with you, even though I could rightfully be doing any number of other things.". And at a threshhold - its saying

"I love you".

 

2) Physical Touch

I am completely weird about personal space.

To me, personal space is *very* important. Which implies that it should only be invaded for a very specific set of reasons. When someone invades my personal space, I usually interpret it as only a couple of things. Thus, I am very careful about how I am around other people's personal space.

This plays out in many ways. If I am unattracted to someone, I often go Jello-Cat on them when they try to be physically affectionate. If I consider myself taken, and some other woman invades my personal space in specific ways ... I feel *very* uncomfortable. (VERY).

In general, I am not a very affectionate person. Most people will tell yout this.

However, when I really care about someone, I am definitely affectionate. This is a way of saying "I am entering your personal space, and allowing you to be in mine, because I care.". And also, "You are different to me than the masses of other people I meet. See - you get personal space privaledges that other people do not."

When I love someone, I will make extra efforts (aka do something that is not very natural to me) to invade their personal space. I want to touch them for no reason. I want to grab their leg for support when they are saying something. I want to run my hands through their hair. To grab them, pinch them, spank them, hold their hand, put my arm around them.

I want to be physically close to them in any and all ways I can.

 

3) Acts of Service

I am ranking this one higher than it probably should be for one specific reason:

To me, many acts of service are a very concrete way of expressing a deep love.

Again, the centerpoint to this language is my belief about time. When I am performing an act of service for someone, it is giving them a gift of sorts - something intangible. And it usually takes a bit of time, that I could be spending some other way.

Many acts of service that I would perform, are things that I do not inherently enjoy. So when I perform them, I am doing so solely as an expression of love for someone else. (which often makes them enjoyable, or tolerable in a worst case). Its a measure of self-sacrifice, in the name of someone else. Arguably, a cornerstone of Love.

Some acts of service are really small - taking out the trash, driving someone somewhere, running an errand for someone. Some acts of service are really large - I once moved completely moved someone by myself, because she was insanely busy at work and it needed to be done.

Regardless, they are all some level of expressing love.

 

4) Giving Gifts

I love to give gifts.

I love the whole process of gift giving. The thinking, the visioning, the personalizing, the planning, the secretiveness, the daydreaming about their reaction. Seeing their reaction, especially if you got it "Right" is the best feeling in the entire world. I love that look.

Unlike many people, I really do try to make all of my gifts *very* personal. I do try to go the extra mile, especially for occasion based gifts. For small everyday gifts, its more like a simple "I was thinking about you, and here is something to show it! You mean a lot, thanks!"

Again, this requires time and thought. So again, my value of time comes into play here. Its what seperates a "bought you something" kinda meh-gift, from a "I am giving YOU something" kinda whoa-gift.

And in that subtle difference, is the love. Of a specific person. Because you know them, or pay attention and can articulate that through a present ... of some sort.

Sometimes my gift might be a simple letter to someone. Or making a mundane gift special by writing something on the box. Or leaving them a post-it note in an odd place, for them to find at a later moment. Basically, its all about the thought process for me. And expression of emotions.

 

5) Words of Affirmation

In general, words of affirmation ranks last for me because all the others are concrete actions.

Actions speak louder than words. I generally use words to expand or clarify on my actions. So if I am speaking all the other love languages, I feel little need to speak this one. It is merely icing on the I Love You cake.

Specifically, I believe that words are completely meaningless, if your actions do not support them. Every now and then, a well placed word of affirmation is good though, because it does tend to make your feelings more readily concrete than actions do. And speaking is *technically* an action.

I usually do a lot of my words of affirmation packed into other languages. Like giving gifts with words (cards, letters, emails, texts, posts). Or spending some quality time just looking deeply into someone's eyes and telling them exactly how you feel.

But overall, the act of affirming in words does not necessarily imply love. Although I think it is a good part of a functional relationship ... I do not have a strong tie between words and expressing love. But that may be a matter of viewpoint/perspective, since I do link this as part of the other languages.

 

 

In general, this is my natural tendency for Expressing Love. However, I do try to observe what is working out for my partner, and adjust as needed. This is why the feedback loop is so important. It breaks down artificial barriers of miscommunication, and allows me the *choice* to adjust my love expression based upon the larger goal of it all ...

To make the other person *feel* loved.

 

After all, isnt that the point anyway?

I stumbled upon 2 articles today that I think are must reads.

Furthermore, I think that if you read them, you will have a better foundation to begin understanding me. Maybe even yourself too, at some point.

Anyway...

How to think: Habits of Happy People

I dont really think about this on a conscious basis. But reading this article made me realize - I do all of that stuff. Daily, as part of being me.

Maybe I dont actively call people with my phone - but I usually spend at least a few hours out of the day just shooting the bull with people. And for sure, I will chit chat with about anyone. About anything.

Expressing gratitude is very important to me. Some people might not always realize it, because a fair portion of what I do is silent gratitude. Im not afraid to say Thank You. Not even 3 times in 5 minutes. Im not afraid to take some extra time to show someone I care. Or that they did something to me I appreciate. I know I would feel warm and fuzzy if someone did the same for me - especially with more than just words.

Random kindness is the best. Im always looking for ways to just inject some kindness into people's day. Whether it be making them laugh or smile. Or maybe telling them how great they are. Or that they just said something phenomenal. Or other things - like talking to the homeless guy, or giving away extra food. Or holding the door for someone. I dunno - its so easy to be kind, if you are not caught up in yourself.

Obviously, this blog is testament to the sheer volume of stuff I write down about my life. Good bad and fluxxing. Yes, I reappraise my life all the time. Its a very important thing to do, in my opinion. I think this prevents stagnation. And dulling that comes with age. Fresh and new and constantly reinventing parts of my life. Yup - its good.

 

And yes, whenever I must be a pessimist - I am proactive about it. Im fiesty and looking for change in the things that I am not happy with. And Im probably challenging you to change the things you are not happy with too. Sometimes it comes across as combative, but so what.

I look at it mostly like this - Do your best to either accept it, or change it.

 

 

Also, The Power of Gratitude.

Oddly enough, I believe I also subscribe to a lot of what is being said in this article. Naturally.

In general, I think a lot of people stop at a simple Thank You. While sometimes, this is sufficient ... I do not think it completely conveys the message. Nor does it consistently tap into the power of gratitude.

This is probably one of the underlying factors as to how a good relationship to me, feels like a competition. To show how much you care for the other person. To make them feel loved, completely.

Its gratitude. Its thinking, planning, saying, doing all the things that show just how thankful you are towards this person. For them being in your life. For them doing whatever it is that they do. For them being them.

And I think its a tragedy that this often happens way too late.

 

 

Funny thing is this.

Most of this stuff is trivial to incorporate into your life. TRIVIAL. At first it takes some conscious effort (as does any kind of change), but after a while, its just habit. Think about anything you have changed in your life, and you will see this as a commonality.

Its amazing to me, how far civilization has progressed in terms of technology and things to make our lives better. Yet somehow ... everyone seems to feel like they have no time. Why is that?

Probably because we are spending our time inefficiently. Because everything is easier to do, more accessible, we want to do more. But what we should want to do ...

Is more of the things that truly matter. 

And be Happy :)

... at a realistic self-assessment.

 

Every now and then I get this ungodly strong urge to just purge. Its really hard to describe to someone who is not intimately familiar with this feeling. I know everyone goes through it at some point. But, I would find it hard to believe that most people experience it like I do.

Sometimes, its a purging of place - the wanderlust takes over and I just want to leave where I am at. This could be small or large relocation. A trip outside from my office. Or moving to a new apartment. Or packing everything up and going to a completely different state.

Sometimes its a purging of people - the incessant need to prune out people that are too much effort. Meaning, I do all the work to keep the relationship alive, and it starts to feel unrewarding and unbalanced. So I just stop taking initiative, and they fall right off the face of my earth (usually).

Sometimes its a purging of things - to just throw stuff out. To get rid of real garbage. To get rid of the dumbest things I have saved "Cause I might do something with that some day". To get rid of things that I do not need.

 

This is generally what it is like to be me - a constant state of flux. Of need for change. Of need for deconstruction and reconstruction. In some way.

 

This year has seen me purging a lot of friends and acquaintances. I always have tons of acquaintances. I rarely have many friends. And this year, Im slowly letting some go. Again - I get tired of doing all the work to make things happen. And I wonder how I can call this a friendship, anyway. And if it is ... then it will come back again.

Surprisingly, I have somewhat started purging some really good friends.

 

I am thinking about all of this mainly because I just got done messing around on my turntables.

This always feels great. I definitely love messing around on them. But to be honest with myself, I am not sure I love it enough. Meaning that ... I am considering selling them.

Why, you might ask. Especially given that I do love them.

Well, I think the answer is fairly large.

For most of my life, I have excelled at nothing. And I do mean nothing. This is about as universal of a statement I can truly make. But oddly enough this has one special exception. The only thing in this world I am truly phenomenal at:

Being better than average at a boatload of things, and getting there fast. 

This has been my life experience. To get interested in something, decide to try it, and then get surprisingly quick results. After the initial learning curve, everything just tops out and I stagnate. I usually lose passion at this point, or I have found something else (and new) that I am more passionate about learning/doing.

While ambling on this train of thought today, it occurred to me that maybe this goes a little bit beyond genetic predisposition. Perhaps I have taken my natural gift for above-averageness, and perpetuated it by doing one thing consistently:

Not Focusing.

So maybe now is the time to start correcting that. To move in this direction, I would simply need to analyze what I consistently come back to as passions. And what I can potentially foresee myself consistently going back to in the future (cause lets be realistic here, Im not going to *completely* eliminate this tendency).

The goal in doing so would be to elevate my skill in a smaller set of things, at the expense of having a broader set of basic knowledges. Which, in theory, could work.

 

In practical terms, this would mean selling the turntables. Not because I dont love them. Not because I am not passionate about them in so many ways. But because I am being realistic - I love drawing more; I love playing bass more. I love writing more.

With my natural desires to buy things, a voracious appetite for learning, and my potential for getting swept up in inspiration ... it makes sense why I bought the turntables in the first place. I loved turntablism since the first moment I heard it, but was not able to get any decks until recently. And this was bolstered by a me thing ... seeing someone do something I appreciate and going:

"That is so awesome. I *need* to be doing that right fucking now!"

However, I do not realistically see myself putting in enough time to do the turntables justice. Again, not because I do not love it. But I just do not love doing it *enough* to sacrifice other things.

 

Its a difficult decision to make. And Im not sure what to do here.

But I really do feel like purging and re-assessing where/how I spend my time would greatly enhance some of my life. Although some of the cold, hard reality of applying this concept makes me 

 

Sad. 

 

 

After a bit of conversation, a friend says to me:

"You know what I think your problem is?

You have all these ideas and plans and vision for potential. In other words you have a high value in Awesomeness. But, you inherently have a low tolerance for Hassleness. No truck for it.

So you create all these duct-tape crazy ass solutions, which inevitably cause more Hassleness for yourself.

What you dont realize is that Awesomeness and Hassleness go hand in hand.

 

We really want you to be welcomed to the new millennium. We really want you to join our Digital Revolution. And you have all the necessary components to do so. Its just, you need to reset. And undo all the Hassleness."

 

I laughed and said, "That is the best thing I have heard all week!" And made the Touchdown gesture.

 

Yes! That was crazy awesome!