24 posts tagged “dating”

Ladies, you know I love you.

Yet I gotta be honest here. No offense, but I think that a vast majority of the women in the Pacific Northwest are  crazy. No, not your standard girl crazy either. Im talking straight up retarded crazy. 

The final nail in the coffin was last night. I was chatting up a girl (one that I have known to some degree on and off for about half a year). Im making small talk. We get along well - I think she is attractive, she is kinda flirty with me, and well ... she laughs at almost all of my jokes. She even laughs when I make fun of her, "Oh Cinderella, you got to go home at 10 because your coach is turning back into a pumpkin?"

Out of curiosity, I bridge the conversation ...

Me: "So we havent gotten a chance to chat in a while. Tell me the scoop - got a good man in your life?"

Her: "No. Im just not finding anyone that I can really connect with..."

Me: *gives inquisitive look, detecting there is more to that story*

She goes on to explain about way older guys being into her. How thats getting all awkward. I listen intently and butt in some standard comments here and there. She turns the question back on me. I explained how I dance a lot, and how that makes dating *very* difficult and convoluted.

Her: "I have never dated a guy who likes to dance."

Me: "Hrm. Why not?"

Her: "Well, I guess it never crosses my mind to think of someone in that direction. And besides, its kinda nice to have a situation where I have my thing (dance) and he has his thing (something notdance)."

Hold the phone.

What?!

First of all, girls who dance are silly. They really do not quite grasp the fact that they are surrounded by guys who like to dance - something a helluvalotta girls would die for in a man.

Second of all, I think its really strange that you wouldnt want to share something in common like dance. If you love it, and your romantic interest loves it ... it becomes something you can do together. Thats the stuff that most girls dreams are made of right there.

Unless you are fairly one dimensional, you can still have seperate things to do that are your *own thing*. But dance is a pretty silly one to view this way. I mean, its usually meant to be performed between a guy and a girl. And when you have unabashed feelings for your partner, you open up a whole world of possibilities in dance expression. Finally, you can both work together towards the common goal of getting better (for a dancer, a lifelong pursuit).

I just dont understand the problem at all.

Now, I dont advocate actively looking for someone to date when you are going out dancing. Especially from the male side, that can often lead to mucho creepiness. But I do suggest that you keep your eyes open.

Heck, most relationship experts will tell you that the best way to meet potentially good matches is to ...

Go find an activity that you love to do.

Because it establishes a mutually common ground for conversations and activities. Which is a huge building block for just about any kind of good relationship.

Unless you are crazy. Then those blocks probably wont build anything, except maybe another Winchester House of Mystery. And if thats your thing ...

Maybe you should join the rest out here in the Northwest.

(or not) 

Seahwaks

Saturday

Halftime of the Seahawks Game. We are coming back from Lunch @ Red Robin...

Alb: "Do you see this dude? He just pulled out right in front of me. The gas motherfucker. Hit it!!!"
Me: "I see that you havent lost the rage."
Alb:  shakes fist in the air. "The GAS!!! Big one on the right!"
Me: "Aw come on, he is a Student Driver. Look there is a sign on the back."
Alb: "That is not my fucking fault."
Me: *chuckles*

Cobrakai!

2 Minutes later.

Alb: "We wouldnt have missed that if the asshat knew how to drive."
Me: "Aww Man... Student Driver. Guy wasnt even from this country. Give him a break."
Alb: "Cobra Kai Bitch! Show no mercy."
Me: "Wait what?" thinks for a second. laughs. "Dude. Thats why I love you."

Oh. And I got a fabulous compliment "You always wear cute clothes and smell really freaking good." Yes missy ... I try. I really do.

Bodies

Even Later Im at Murphy's. There is some sort of "Go Cougs" cheering going on from a table - they got up and actually clapped that out. To a crowd of boos and hisses. I reminded them of the mortal flaw in their school ... the TV ad for Medical Program which says, "We have real live cadavers!" (WSU will never live this down in my mind.)

Oh. My buddy and I, having both come from trips back East, talked a bit about West Coast Style. Which is to say, we both independently noticed that WC people tend not to make much eye contact. Possibly a huge factor in why they seem so *not* friendly, in a friendly(ish) way.

We laid initial plans for Vegas in February. Yay!

Preliminary Shenanigans testing completed, now I need to rethink how to pull it all off.

Sunday

Question

Solidified on "date" type thing for coming week. Yay! Put offers out for 4 more - waiting responses. It should happen some time. Patience is key.

I also went to a different dance studio today. I had contacted the instructor to ask about where I might fall in the curriculum. He said I should come early and he would see. I get there and talk to him, he calls over his partner and says "Show me what you got."

She looks at me and says, "Dont be nervous."

Um. Time out here. I am dancing with you, being *evaluated* for my skill. Its a new place so I dont know anything about the floor. And heavens sake ... there are about 10 other people watching. Dont be nervous, okay. I will get right on that. pfft.

I finish. It wasnt that spectacular. But I felt it wasnt bad. He says, "Well, how did he do?" His partner smiles at me and says that I did good. Then he says, "Well I noticed some flaws. You pushed her a little on the turn. Your hand was slightly off for closed position."

Okay. Time out again. For real? That is a little harsh dont you think?

First, I have been used to people who require a stronger lead. Which means if I dont push them a  little on the turn, the turn comes out light. Sorry for not having instructor level partners all the time.

Second, she had on an lowcut back shirt. Which means fashionably, she has a lower strap on her bra. Which means I could not use her bra strap as an indicator for where to put my hand. (psst - ring finger on strap leaders ... little tip they dont usually tell you!) Ooops - I tried.

Its a Deal

Anyway, we finagled a deal for me to take both his classes with a discount on one of them. All told, 75% of the original price. I take the deal because I figure it will be good to get familiar with his teaching style, as well as get more practice with other follows.

Two hours later, and I am done with the harder class. He went over some really cool arm moves which were blowing my mind. It requires subtle tracing down the follows arm and lots of "wha?!?!" kinda transitions. Tres Sexy.

Yes. Good fun-filled weekend! :)

I was talking with another new friend today.

She promised that when I was ready to date again, she would be the kickassinest wingman ever. Jokingly she said all I would have to do in return, would be to take her record shopping occasionally. (I can respect this, because nothing in life is free, and expectations are clear and in the open. Kudos for that).

So she spent some time trying to get me to list my turnoffs. I answered with a bunch of blahblah, centered around personality. She called me on it, "Quit skirting the physical subject."

And instantly, I was on the spot. I dont really know what my "turn offs" are. Ive never even really considered it, at least not in the sense where I could just whip-bang them out.

After a while of thinking, I finally came to the conclusion:

In response to the article, Earn more than your man? I say something basically like...

Duh.

Just about every tip on there is completely independent of who is the breadwinner in the relationship. Its almost as if the writer decided to slap a topic on a piece after it was written, to fit it into what her editor wanted.

I actually have a couple of experiences dating women who make more than me. It really wasnt too much of a problem. Except when you combine that with women who are also Materialistically High-Maintenance. Then you just go broke trying to keep up.

Anyway ... to the original points of the article.

1) Talk and listen to each other.

Um. This is ubiquitous for a relationship. I cant even believe there is a "study" on this. They will dish out grant money for just about anything now, wont they?

In fact, if I am in a relationship ... I *require* this. If we cannot communicate, and *understand* what is being communicated, the relationship goes downhill fast. Real fast. Real hard. BOOM!

2) Be his biggest cheerleader.

Again. Always.

A woman should be her man's biggest cheerleader. And a man should be his woman's biggest cheerleader. Always. That should go without saying, as part of the act of *caring*. 

And more generally, when I care about someone ... I want to *inspire* them. Both through my cheerleading and my general actions. Encourage and inspire them to be the best them they can be.

3) Open yours, mine, ours accounts.

Yup, you guessed it. Great idea no matter what the financial power teeter-totter looks like.

A lot of people overlook this. And I think it contributes to a lot of little stresses that could be avoidable. Unfortunately, money is quite often a major stressor in relationships. You would be advised to minimize that.

So the real problems arent clouded by other emotions.

4) Focus on the engame.

Um, was this article written for the relationally stunted?

If you arent dreaming together, what are you doing? If you do not have short, medium, and longterm goals/ideas/dreams ... I would venture to say that you dont really have a *relationship*. Or at least, not a really solid or healthy one.

I would say, you are dating. Maybe transitioning towards relationship status.

Cause in my mind, a primary indicator of no future dreams ... is that you really havent considered being with the person past the immediately foreseeable future. Which should make you question your feelings, if this has been going on for a long time.

Basically, you are still in Me Mode. Which doesnt really work well in relationships. Or at least, not for extended periods of time. You can move to Us Mode, without losing yourself. But ... that takes a couple of things - dedication and communication.

5) Recognize that marriage changes things.

Ouch. Did you just slap me in the face with a ginormous log of No Shit, Sherlock?

I have no clue why people would think differently. Unless maybe both of them had been living in a hole for the entirety of their lives, under a rock ... in Greenland. Then it would make sense.

And here I thought I might actually get some insightful information from the article. Ooops.

I just read an article on msn : Body Language: 4 Signs to Decode it. And I have a response.

Mr. Givens. (I refuse to call you doctor because I do not know what that PhD is in). I read your article, and well. You may well be an anthropologist. But honestly ...

Have you even really dated before?

My only other conclusion is that you had to write this article, and didnt want to give some *really* good advice, because it is most likely already out there. In countless places. So you give people - many of whom probably will get confused by your advice because they are dating challenged - some of the strangest signals to look for. And in some cases ... just dead *wrong*. But lets be a touch more specific.

First, it is clear that this article is clearly not meant for women to read. If they were looking for these signs in men, they probably wouldnt find them. And they might infer from this lack that the man was not interested. But if they did find them, it would already be in a situation in which they *should* know that the man is into them. Because this is *well* past the stage of letting his guard down.

As you state in your article, we can liken it to the animal kingdom. Doing so says that a man's primary job in the game is to make himself *attractive* to the other sex. This is rarely done through submission. Instead, it is almost always done through grand gestures of parading. (think peacocks - as a primary example). This parading changes when the deal is already sealed.

However, these signs might be decent to read on women. But their obscurity and potentiality for ambiguity imply that there are much better signals.

With that in mind, I would like to specifically address each of your "signs":

1) Lifted shoulders.

Men almost never do this when it is too early. Its an uncomfortable position. What I think you are getting confused with here is when shoulders are lifted due to *other* reasons. Classic example: Elbows on table, leaning forward, head tilted back. This action shows *interest* as whole. The individual parts are just natural muscle responses to the position itself. (try doing this action with the antithesis of the individual parts - its a lotta freakin work.)

Women will do this occasionally. But its still kinda awkward, although cute. I would read this response motion (cause thats what it is) as a sign that I just fluttered her, and/or she was embarrassed.

2) Pigeon Toes

Not manly. If you are looking for this, you are looking for someone who is demasculating themselves. And probably missing 5000 more obvious clues in the process. Or just getting confused again by position forced due to external objects.

Women - Maybe. Again, more likely a response of fluttering. I suggest if a man is  looking for signs that happen below the waist... do not look for this one. Try looking for how her hands interact with her legs - she is probably drawing your attention there for a reason or two. Pay particular attention to the tempo of her hand movements while there. 

3) The Palm Reveal.

Dont know many Italians, do you Mr Givens?

There are lots of people who talk with their hands. They use them as props to tell a good story. Thus, it is important to consider what the hands are doing in *relation* to what people are saying. If it supports their words - probably not a cue. If it is saying something else - maybe it is.

And who naturally rests their hands upward on the table? It makes you look like you are praying, or saying grace. The only other thing is an obvious - HOLD MY HAND PLEASE. But this usually doesnt happen until after you no longer need to look for signs of attraction.

4) The Forehead Bow. 

By far, the best you have on the list.

Men tend to do this more subtly.(I tend to do this with a tilted/turned head, actually). But I also do this to people who I am not sexually attracted to. Its my way of saying - I am interested in what you have to say - in these cases.

Women, well. A good sign, but again ... not so unambiguous. As a contextual response to a man being a bit forward ... this is definitely a Green Light sign though.

Which really brings me to a big point. This list isnt meant for men. Men should be asking the questions with their body language, and interpreting things like these as responses. This is basically the natural order of things, even in today's feminized world.

However .. I still maintain that there are better things to look for.

First, I suggest men just go out and ask a question with touch. A simple arm touch works for a quick survey. But if you want to up the ante quite a bit, work in a touch towards their hair or neck. She allows this, and you basically have everything you need to know.

If you dont want to be super gutsy, want all the information you need, and to build attraction along the way - I suggest making a point to naturally work touch into your conversation. Such as a simple game. An elaboration of a point. A demonstration where you show her something through moving her. These ... all work well.

But the hands down biggest cues come in the eyes.

Look someone right in the eyes. If you do this regularly, you will establish a baseline to know what is different behavior. And you will also build connection because you are looking *right* at them. There are lots of subtleties to the eye  conversation, that I could make a whole post about. But lets just leave it at the fact that this is a no-brainer, so just do it. 

Yes thats right - HAVE A CONVERSATION with YOUR EYES. Sometimes you dont even need to say a word.

When it comes right down to it, I know I am not an accredited anthropologist. However, I do believe I know something about posture and motion, having deeply studied them for quite some time. And I will tell you honestly, as you probably already know from looking at Mr. Givens list ... it reads cold. And sciency.

Which is *NOT* the language of attraction. At all.

An interesting thing happens when I am single. Especially when I am single, and not dating *that* kind of girl. I probably learned this thing a long time ago, but forgot in some cloud of caught-inna-moment of not caring.

And that thing is simply:

Man, when Im single ... I have a lot of money.

I was checking on my bank statement. And I couldnt believe what I was seeing. Its not the most I have ever had in the bank, but ... it was the greatest transition from not so much, to quite a bit.

The only real change in between was me becoming single.

So its pretty easy to surmise that dating women is expensive. Not because I am paying all the time (cause I have met more and more women that like to pay occasionally). But mostly because the women I meet tend to like to go out to eat a lot.

Ive never quite understood this. I mean, I *can* understand that going out to eat is fun - fancier restaurants with delicious food, good service and great ambience are fantastic for setting the mood for stimulating conversation and more. But I always look at it as something to do in moderation. Cause, eating at nicer places isn't *inherently* something that is super "fun" for me.

Things that are fun for me tend to be quite a bit less expensive. It really is about the people with me, not the place I am at or what I am doing. They tend to be simple moments - reading a book together, going on a picnic, cooking a meal together, coloring, dancing, making up a special game. These are more like my staples.

I could go on about this ... but anyway.

In celebration of my newfound moneys, I decided to treat myself to something I have been drooling over for a while

An easel. But not just any easel ... the Deluxe Lobo!

Deluxe Lobo

It wasnt super expensive (less than the amount I have spent on meal for a date ;)). But it wasnt super cheap either. However, it is a beautiful piece of craftmanship (made out of oak). And I have wanted a real easel for a while now so I could try and get back to painting.

The most killer part about the Deluxe Lobo is that it *also* folds into a table:

Lobo Table

 Which means you can draw horizontally if you want too. I am a big fan of quality craftmanship that also considers space utilization, so this is right up my alley.

However, now I just need to figure out where to put this bad boy. Perhaps I will need to do some rearranging this weekend.

:)

I am feeling particularly Hi Fidelity today. So I thought that I might kick off a new series - the Friday Top5.

In homage to the original source, I will start with breakups.

Top Five Breakups of All Time:

5. Jamie. Bombshell - everyone was dying to date her. My first real girlfriend. She broke up with me for not helping her when she was roughhousing with my friend (or so I thought). It took me forever to find out about this back when it happened. Now, I kinda think that this was one of the first real instances of me showing my belief in the independant, capable woman. Probably bad timing on that one ;)

4. Sarah. Gorgeous, and kind - everyone was dying to know her. My most recent girlfriend. She broke up with me twice. Once for "having nothing in common". Once for "time to heal and find herself". Truth be told, I don't believe either. In short, it saddens me to say that she really broke up with me because she is a runner - in times of stress, from everyone who really cares about her. Basically a scared and confused woman. (could expand a lot here). The two biggest reasons as to why she makes the list - we hit it off so well yet couldnt build that special thing we talked about, and the craziness that surrounded both breakups. First experiences for me on how she handled all of that.

3. Julie. Cute, curly and all the right physicalities for my tastes, fluttered on top of social butterflyism. We dated about a year anna half ago. It was short, and wonderful ... connecting with someone like that. She broke up with me, for reasons I will never know why. Mostly because she never really broke up with me - just stopped contact altogether. One day making plans and talking about how awesome we were, the next - nothing. Will always chalk that up to her getting scared and running (mystical believer in me wonders if this is a Taurus trait, btw). She makes the list, despite the brevity in which we dated ... because of two reasons. First, we got along so well, having a lot in common. Second, because the nature of the breakup will have me wondering "wtf?!" for a long time. Every now and then, I still think about her. No closure == bad.

2. Kiera.  The pistol - passionate, idiosyncratic, dynamic - everyone should have been dying to understand her. The last woman I lived with. Ended just over two years ago. We dated for about a year anna half. It was the most intese relationship I have ever been in - both good and bad. I broke up with her, because I needed more from her. Ultimately, I lost faith that she could change. She is the only person I have ever broken up with while still being throroughly In Love. Definitely a hard thing to do - which made me question my beliefs. Perhaps it was her last subtle influence on me in that regard. Cause she always had me question things ... teaching me how to embrace a love of The Weird or my perspective on reality.

 

And the all time Number One Breakup goes to ...

 

1. Abby. Cute, intelligent, vivrant and compassionate - everyone should know her. She had the best laugh I have ever heard - in any situation, in any mood. I loved making her laugh. I loved a lot about her, and still do, even though it ended about 4 years ago. We were supposed to get married (she proposed). But she broke up with me, on the surface, because she fell for another man. Reality says, I lost myself and had nothing to give. Will always be affected by this experience. Some part of me thinks that she is one of the fundamental reasons I give people many chances even when I shouldnt. Some part of me questions whether everything after that moment in the sun, has been a subtle way of the universe making things balanced again.

Every now and then, I still think of her. I am still carrying the reminder of what can happen when you forget. Cause even though I have come to believe that we probably shouldnt have been together forever ... I believe that the lessons I learned will be taken to my grave. They are important.

Cause she was life altering, in a postive ... unshakeable way.

I could say much more about all of these women. Celebrating more of the good, lamenting more of the bad. But I am not going to in this post. Instead, I leave this with ... a toast:

To women! To love.

To love and women.

One day it all sneaks up on you, a bright blinding light of beauty. You wonder how you ever got on without them. And after the supernova is gone, you wonder how diferent your life will be because of them. The little things. The big things. The special things.

Drink these feelings. For they are ...

Life.

A friend and I were having a conversation about kissing.

HER:"What is wrong with men?"

ME: "Umm. You care to elaborate on that ginormously ambiguous question?"

HER:"Most men I've met just do not know how to kiss."

HER:"You really need to teach them how to do it right."

ME:"Oh. Okay then. Give away all my secrets for the benefit of womankind? Play the martyr? Gotcha."

(laughter, kissing conversation ensues)

We both feel very strongly about what makes for good kissing. I think its mostly because well ... kissing is awesome. And because we have both experienced the non-stellar kiss. And I think we have similar basic ideas as for what a good kiss can be like.

But I think at some level, our similarities diverge a bit. She clearly missed one thing : not all ladies kiss phenomenally either (you can go ahead and blame that on dumb men too, btw).

Personally, I think kissing is an extension of many things about a person. For me ... I think a kiss should be special. It should have some mystery to it. It should have a anticipation. It should not be a simple response. It should be an experience - a surprise. (yep, it shares a lot of qualities that I think should be applied to "I love yous", sex, heartfelt sentiments, and just about anything emotional in a real relationship).

So in the name of progress, I will divulge a set of tidbits that I think yall should consider. At least, if you kiss me. I think they generally fall into a couple of categories.

The buildup:

For some reason, whether its too much TV or standup comics or bad experiences with dumb guys, women seem to understimate the buildup to the kiss. For men. This seems especially true as you move towards more "serious" relationship status.

It all starts well before the kiss happens. I understand that people get into different "moods" at different times. So lets run with that. If I am being playful, be playful back. Throw some inuendos back at me - they dont even have to be good. If I am being a little overtly subtle, do it back. Or if I am moving the conversation towards more serious topics, be serious too. Bond, connect. What have you. Or choose one of your own and throw it my way - we will work it out.

You want a good kiss from me? Well I want a great kiss from you too. Help me help you. Lets build up to it together - and both reap the rewards!

The kiss:

There are many types of kisses - if you are adventurous and practice a bit. There is the quick stolen kiss at stoplights. (or simlarly, the horn-honking move-outta-my-way kiss). There is the kiss with a twist - when you make a lean for your favorite side and then switch to the other after your lips meet. There is the tiger kiss - when you nibble on the lips a bit as you pull away. The upside down kiss. The gotta-have-you-now kiss. The caress kiss (choose your head location for the caress). The kiss and gaze. The go with the flow laugher kiss (this has numerous possibilities). And on and on ... all kisses to steal with someone.

NOTICE: the peck does not belong here. I am completely anti-peck.

The big thing here is that your kisses should never get predictable, or routine. Mine will not be - you can count on that.  

 

The response:

Oddly enough in my experience, most women (after your fist sexcapade together), start rushing things towards physical intimacy too soon after the kiss. While I do appreciate the occasional hormonally infused romp with your partner (its good to be diverse in your sex lives too!), I can only say one thing:

Whoa there, ladies!

The response stage is an often overlooked part of the kiss. Most of the time, what I really want or need here ... is for you to revist The Kiss stage. Try out a new technique. Or two.

Or even better - occasionally stop all that you are doing, and revist The Buildup stage in a few moments. Dont think of the situation like you are a NASA person, trying to launch a rocket. Think of it like you are Nature, in all her glory ... and we are like the ocean. A naturally induced ebb and flow. Lulls and crashing waves. Occasionally getting the quietest before 

The Perfect Storm. 

 

In general, I think that revisiting your kissing will only make both of us happier. I do this all the time. So should you.

And finally ...

You are a phenomenal woman. And though I am a capable, phenomenal man ... do not just count on me to do all the work of the buildup by myself. Dont be weak or lazy. Lets get it started hours before it starts. And then when it does start ... KABOOM! Who knows what kind of fireworks display we can muster up. And just when we think that we have put on a good show ... lets prove ourselves wrong. Lets keep it magical. In every aspect. As frequently as possible.

Lips

3 comments

Cause these lips are made for kissing.

And thats just what they'll do.

...

...

(You know the rest.)

I just read an article on MSN Dating about sleeping together. It details men's opinions on the timing of sex in dating, and what that means.

The original article

Through this blog, you probably have a bit more background about me. For some people this might be very positive. Curious? Here are my answers ...

Q: What do you think about women who sleep with you on the first or second date—does it impact whether you see her as a potential long-term girlfriend?

For the most part, it doesn't impact the potential as much as the other things that are going on. And I try really hard not to judge someone because of their impulsiveness (many times I actually view this as a positive thing).

For me, dating and connecting is all about the subtleties of our interactions. Sometimes this means that we sleep together on the first date. Sometimes we end up waiting until the second or third. In general, if I am not open to her as a potential long-term girlfriend ... I will not sleep with her. Period.

Keep in mind that I am not a "pressuring guy". I cannot remember the last time I made the first move for a kiss - if I ever have. And I have never made the first move for sex. However, it is pretty clear that I am sending all of the right signals to women anyway. Generally speaking they make the first move for the kiss because they cant withhold anymore (or so I am told) - and sex is almost always imminent after that kiss.

Come to think of it actually, I have never had more than 3 dates with someone and not had sex ... since becoming an adult. Maybe I am spoiled :)

Q: Are there cases where you do sleep with a woman early on, but are still open to a serious relationship with her—say, if the sex is great, or you two really hit it off during brunch the next day, or she's friends of friends?

Always. Again ... I will not sleep with someone if I am not open to the potential of a serious relationship. Just not my style.

Sex is important to me. I think it is an integral part of connecting with someone you think is special. And I damn sure hope to have lots of it in a relationship with someone special. Lots of great passion. Lots of exploration. If we cannot connect sexually ... I dont think this relationship is going anywhere positive.

And for the record ... friends of friends has absolutely no bearing on the situation. To let that influence anything seems really shallow to me.

Q: In your experience, do you think women who make you wait for sex end up being better long-term partners?

Not at all. Although I dont really have a lot of experience with this.

To me, people who withhold sex, better have some good reasons for it. There best be some real, meaningful communication of these reasons too, or I will probably interpret it negatively.

It seems that this action is potentially indiciative of the type of person who tries to manipulate the situation around them. Or that they are trying to evaluate me based upon past experiences with other people, because they were hurt. Not cool. I generally do not jive so well with that. After all ... some of the most beautiful things in life happen pretty naturally on their own.

Take a chance on us. Go with your passion and your heart. You cannot lose here, in the grand scheme of things.

Q: What, in your mind, is an appropriate amount of time for two people to be dating before sleeping together? 

From the first date onward.

When you feel it. When I feel it. When there is magic in the air - and twinkles in our eyes. When we are communicating on multiple levels, and want to explore another.

When you just ... know.

Q: If a woman does end up falling in bed with you pretty quickly, are there things she can do to pave the way toward a longer relationship?

Dont act like you regret it. Keep embracing the reasons you made that choice in the first place. Be responsive to me when I call you, or want to spend time with you. Know that I will probably want to do it again.

Keep on trying to build something special with me, on multiple levels. Lets keep connecting - mentally, emotionally, superficially, meaningfully, physically. Everything! In general, that is the best way to pave the way toward a longer relationship with me, period.

And for the love of all that is good and gracious in this world ... Dont freak out and become all paranoid. However - if you do - be open with me about it.

Im pretty understanding ... even about situations other people would call "weird" or "uncomfortable". Give me a shot to prove to you that I am most definitely not like "other men".

After all - thats probably why you slept with me in the first place anyway.

... from lunch today.

ME: "Man, December seems like forever ago."

LN: "Ya it does. Werent you dating that crazy woman back then?"

ME: "You want to clarify that a little bit? Which one are you talking about?"

LN: "What, crazy woman describes more than one of your past girlfriends?"

ME: "Uh ... ya! They are all crazy. Just in different ways."

And its true. Im sorry ladies - but all yall are crazy. This is in part why you frustrate me to no end. But this is also in part why I totally love you.

All.